Colleges Preparations

Been so long after i haven't post anything here, i was too busy preparing for colleges. ITB was my main goal after finishing high school. And that's the reason why I took a month study camp preparing Joint Entrance for State Universities (SBMPTN) in Yogyakarta, the other reason is because I didn't passed National Selection for State Universities (SNMPTN) because my academic records couldn't reach ITB categories. This is my first time dumped (cri cri cri) and my mother was the first person who checked the result, i was little bit mad at her because i'm not mentally ready for this. I was planed to open the site at night, but my mom just did and she text me with super long motivational text.

A lot of my friends asking me why did i took course in Yogyakarta and not in Bandung. They thought i was changing my mind to stop chasing for ITB. Actually i never have any second option beside ITB, my first option is of course School Of Architecture in ITB (SAPPK) and if i can't get there faculty doesn't really matter for me but what's matter for me was i shall be one of ganesha. Why i choose Yogyakarta because i can get rid of people i don't wanna meet. 

First day in new place always be hard, i need to fit in with people who already there 2 weeks before me. But everything gone well, i met my new room mates from different cities. I'm not going to tell everything about my life in camp because until this post reach limits character the story won't end. 

Days by days i survive there with more than 7 hours classes and consultations everyday, hundreds of paper tests, wake up in the dawn of the night everyday, coffee, sleep late but never eat late. 

31st of May was one of the biggest day of my life, because this is the only last chance i can reach my goal. But after the test, it's feel like i lost my confidence, my hope. I was pessimistic, i never felt this before i always optimistic about what i took. And i hate all the people around me that talking about the test, how many question they have answered and how they said it was easy. (ugghh screw them all) Because for me it's too hard and i run out of time, like i can't bring out all my ability or maybe i did but i can't do that. I was optimistic before, because all my tryout reach the passing grade. 

Four days after that i took another test. In 4th of July i took UNDIP independent test. I'm not really sure about this test, i've already studied until late night but i still lost my confidence and because this is not what i want. I still blaming myself why i wasted my last chance to get trough ITB, why everyone said they could handle it but i couldn't. I didn't understand what happened to me when i took UNDIP independent test, how can i sleeping in the middle of the test? How can i didn't took this test seriously? And how everyone said it was easier than SBMPTN test?

UGM independent test was my last test i did in Yogyakarta, and fortunately i didn't sleep during the test. I was a little bit happy because the TPA test was easy for me, even i lost everything i've learned in physics. But i didn't know that TPA test didn't use minus score, that's why I left 4 questions blank. I realize it after the test, after i met my friend she said the test was really easy and she was glad because there is no minus score in TPA. Of course i was surprised and regrets what i've done and i couldn't stop thinking about this. How could in every test i took i did something stupid.

The announcement is one month after the test, it was 28th of June for the announcement of SBMPTN. I was so scared to open the site, but i was really curious too. And the result was...

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THEY CHEERS ME UP, THANK YOU !

For everyone who thinks i was tough, no i'm not tough. I'm mentally breakdown, I cried all day, all night long blaming myself about what i did in my life. What i did a month in camp. I was applying for 2 University it was ITB and UGM but i got none of them. I was forcing to met people, especially with them who asking about my test result. I feel like i'm disappointing my mother for everything she already gave to me, she facilitated me everything. My study camp that cost just like a motorcycle, my courses in senior years, she giving me the best school in town but i couldn't afford her the best university. I was so weak, but I thank god i have the best mother. She's the one that cheers me everyday, pray for me, remind me that God has the best plan, that hard work will never betray and told me that I have done my best. 

1st of July 

I was so mentally ready for the result. I will accept everything God will gave to me, any faculty, any University at least i go to collage this year. I wait my mother from her office before i open the announcement. Because whatever the result is i have her by my side. When she's arrived, together we opened UNDIP independent test result. But i couldn't reach my data, i tried 2 times and that's because i missed to fill the birthdate it's should be 22 but i write down 20. 

THE RESULT WAS I GOT DUMPED AGAIN

The 3rd time i got dumped, but i'm not crying because i knew i've done it wrong and i'm not taking it seriously. Too bad i didn't screen capture it.

After that we opened UGM site, this is where my mother wants me to go. As we opened it, i don't understand what the site said. Because i have already receive 3 apologize from 3 Universities. And this is what's on screen. 

Even though this is not my dream, but at least this is my mother's dream. She cried, hug me and congratulate me but i just sit, silent and confused. Should i happy or sad? Because my plan was i wanna try to apply for ITB Cirebon or i want to try it next year. But seeing her happy and so enthusiast, i change my mind. And it's still one of The Big Three Best University in Indonesia. How can i'm not proud?

The hardest part of all this was letting my dreams buried, everybody knows that i wanna go to ITB. Everybody knows i wanna be an architect just like the mayor of Bandung "Ridwan Kamil" that i already admire since i was Junior High School. Since he still stay in Singapore, the first time i read about him in a magazine before he was a mayor. But i remember that time, it was in school trip to Yogyakarta we visited UGM, some of my friends said they want to go here after high school and i said "Even i wanna go to ITB, it's ok to be here as well." Because what you say is what you pray for, and God hear that. 

You may not understand what is happening in your life right now, but God knows what he is doing. Trust the process and it's won't betray. You never know what's behind everything you think was good for you, but God knows.

I start accepting, i start letting go that i wouldn't swearing the mighty Sumpah Ganesha. 

BUT I AM GAMADA